Her Daughter’s View

Mark and I went on our very first solo vacation last February, we took a cruise to the Bahamas and it was incredible. The food, the sunshine, the food, everything! We had the most wonderful time, and we got back on a Saturday. We spent Sunday unpacking and getting ourselves ready for the work week that was inevitably coming for us. I texted with Mom some throughout the week, but she was in quite a bit of pain so she wasn’t on her phone a whole lot. By this point, she was hurting, but as far as I knew, she was “okay.”

She texted me Tuesday and asked what we were up to that night and if we wanted to come for dinner. I declined because we were still tired form travelling and reacclimating for our daily lives. Wednesday, she asked me again if we wanted to come for dinner, and I declined again, I told her it was because I got a peach tree that I really needed to get into the ground, which wasn’t entirely a lie, I did have a peach tree that needed planting, but it didn’t necessarily need to be done that day, I just wasn’t in a very “social” mood that day. I didn’t think anything of it, because it wasn’t uncommon for Mom to invite us over.

That Friday, I texted her and asked if she felt up for going to dinner, little Cassie-Cori date night, since I knew she’d been trying to see me all week. She said it had gotten to the point where it was hard for her to put clothes on, because of the calciphylaxis spreading on her skin (painful rashes/ blisters) so she wasn’t sure she’d be able to, but she’d try. She asked if I could come by after work and talk to her, and then we could decide about dinner. I agreed, and headed over, she only lived a couple blocks from me. Me, still naively thinking nothing of it, was so severely unprepared for what I was about to hear. I can’t actually remember exactly what was said, because I think I blacked out, but my Mom and Dad sat me down in my childhood living room, and told me that Mom was going to start Hospice. I don’t know what else was said, but all I could think about was that my Mom was going into Hospice, and I was more worried about a peach tree than going to see her, and I missed out on valuable time I could have spent with her. I was so angry at myself. There have been VERY few times in my life that I was speechless, almost never. I didn’t even know what to say, all I knew is I wasn’t taking no for an answer, and we were definitely going out for date night. That night turned out to be the last time my Mom and I went out to dinner.

When my husband got home form work, I told him the news, and he was equally as speechless, which wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary for him, but the air felt different wit his silence this time. We knew this was going to be bad, and we knew we were about to go through something really freaking hard. So he and my Dad joined us for dinner, and we all had a really great time. It was not only the last night we all went out together, but it was one of the last times I got to spend time with my Mom, while she was still “her.”

So, please, whatever you do, don’t worry about the damn peach tree, and please go visit your Mama when she asks. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is still something I think about to this day, and kick myself for.